Grief and Bereavement

Having someone we're close too suffer from distressing illness is not easy for anyone. The grief we may feel can encompass many emotions for quite some time after the recovery or death of a loved one. We may feel overwhelmed by the task of caring or angry at the lack of help were getting from others who should help more.

Grieving is painful, yet it is necessary for healing after the distressing illness or the loss of a loved one. Some people are able to manage their grief quite well, and a sense of peace and acceptance comes readily, but for others, the process can be lengthy and agonizing.

Having someone we're close too suffer from distressing illness can be agonizing. We may feel overwhelmed not only by the emotions but by the tasks and decisions ahead. It may weigh on us so much. The cycles between good and bad moments, despair and hope, complications and remedies, can feel like a roller-coaster ride you cant avoid. News of a recovery or terminal prognostic may be met with disbelief especially if symptoms were not very apparent before a diagnostic or if the period of illness has already been long and agonizing.

There is no universal way of grieving.
Each person must grieve and process their grief in their own way, but the presence of caring friends and relatives can make the process more manageable.

Grieving Takes Time

1st and foremost -it's important to know that the emotions that your experience are normal. Grief and Bereavement are experienced differently by different people and that's OK. Cultural traditions also make a difference.

You may feel, numb, particularly in the few hours or days following a bad prognosis or a death of a loved one, you feel simply stunned, as though you can't believe it has actually happened, or you may feel Agitated, find it difficult to relax, concentrate or sleep properly. You may dream, see or hear your loved one; Angry, you can feel very angry - towards doctors and nurses who did not prevent the illness or death, towards friends and relatives who did not do enough, or even towards the person who is ill or has died because they have gone; Guilty, you may wonder if you could have prevented all this or avoided it's progression, even though its probably all beyond anyone’s control; you may feel relieved if your loved one has died after a painful or distressing illness. This is not callous – it is common and understandable; Sad and reflective gradually becoming quiet, sad and withdrawn. This is a quiet, but essential part of coming to terms with the illness or death.

Remember, everything here is normal. Sit with another loved one or a friend and share your feelings, don't push yourself too hard, it's ok to not be all-together when this happens, take time for yourself but don't let yourself be too alone by pushing away the presence of caring friends and relatives. Remember, they are likely to be also grieving and certainly don't deserve becoming the channel for anger you may feel.

As time passes, the pain fades, the sadness lifts and look to the future. Although the sense of having lost a part of your life never goes away entirely, you can begin to feel whole again and move forward.

Warning Signs

Sometimes, normal grieving is replaced by an inability to function. Friends and loved ones should be on the lookout for signs of trouble. Deep depression, lasting sadness, loss (or a dramatic increase) of appetite, lasting withdraw, disassociation, extreme anxiety, frequent bouts of anger, sleep disorders, or thoughts of despair or suicide require professional attention, Friends need to look out for one another, especially in times of crisis. Persistant loss (or a dramatic increase) of sexual drive and uncontrollable promiscuity and excessive gambling are like excessive use of alcohol or recreational drugs are tell tail sings that something is deeply wrong.